Workout Results #2 & 3

My appetite has increased significantly with my workout.  With this increase comes a better awareness of what I eat and making sure I don't splurge too often.  I miss being conscious of my food intake.  Hopefully I can start shedding pounds (and keeping them off for good!) within the next couple of weeks.  Wish me luck!

Wednesday morning I did another 2.25 miles on the treadmill and 50 crunches.
Wednesday night I did a shoulder & tricep workout.  After much debate, I decided to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes instead of running so I could give my legs a small break.  I then did:

• dumbbell incline shoulder presses
• dumbbell lateral raises
• dumbbell triceps kickbacks
• cable tricep pushdowns
• dumbbell calf raises
• 50 crunches

I must say that I think that triceps are my least favorite workout, but only because it hurts so much.  Haha!

Thursday was my off day because my legs were hurting worse than Wednesday!  Today I woke up again with soreness in my legs, but I went to the gym anyway after dropping the hellion off at school.  I can't quit now!  & I must say the soreness is a constant reminder that I'm doing something right & that it won't be too long before I start seeing the results I want.  Today's workout is my favorite workout to do, back & biceps:

•  2.25 miles on the treadmill
• dumbbell rows
• pull downs
• hyperextension
• dumbbell curls
• preacher curls
• 100 crunches

I think the back & biceps workout is my favorite because it's the one that I see results the fastest with, and the workout isn't that hard.  I was a little disappointed after I weighed myself because I haven't lost any weight yet, but then I had to remind myself that it's only been three days and that learning to be patient needs to be on my checklist.  Haha!

After I left the gym I went home and was a complete bum for the rest of the day, which I don't do very often.  It was nice. 

(This is the last time I'm going to post my workout results.  I'm aware that they can be boring and not fun to read.)

Beauty Must Suffer

Purchased a gym membership yesterday.  One of my good friends is working on a personalized workout plan for me.  I'm so ready to be back in shape.  After my plans to work out yesterday morning were botched two times, I ended up going to my Taekwondo instructor and doing a private lesson.  Then I decided I would go work out last night after the hellion fell asleep.  Well, if you don't know me, then I must tell you that whenever I put the hellion to bed (8:00 P.M.), I fall asleep (99% of the time) also.  I didn't wake up until 10:00, then I laid in bed for thirty minutes before finally convincing my lazy ass to get out of bed and go to the gym.  I worked out for an hour and a half, and I can definitely feel the burn this morning.

My 1 1/2 hr. workout last night was focused on my legs:

• 30 minute cardio workout = 2.25 miles on the treadmill.  (I know that that isn't too great, but I was proud of myself, considering I haven't really worked out in almost a year.)
• Leg curls = 4 sets of 15
• Leg extensions = 4 sets of 10
• Lunges = 4 sets of 14 (My friend Steven suggested squats, but I was too self-conscious to do squats in front of all the guys who were working out.  Haha!)
• Leg press = 4 sets of 15
• 50 crunches

I'm not going to lie though, after I got off the treadmill I almost went home.  I was sweating and panting and my face was completely red.  When I was working out regularly last year I would only get on the treadmill for 15 minutes and run a mile and a half, so I kept that in mind while I was on the brink of quitting halfway through my cardio workout.  Then when I was doing my second set of lunges, I got a cramp in my inner thigh.  If you know me then you know that I absolutely hate lunges, but I push myself to do them because they are such a good workout for your legs.  After I finished working out I stretched-- which I never do, btw.  I think I'm going to start incorporating stretching into my workout.  Before, after, and/or both.  I know I should stretch, I'm just too impatient to do so.  Anyway, the motto I use when I'm working out is this:  "beauty must suffer."  I repeat that in my head during my entire workout.  It helps me persevere!  Try it yourself the next time you feel like quitting.

My ideal goal is to lose about 15 lbs., but if I can lose at least 10 lbs. then I will be happy.  I want to be able to get back to the weight I was at this time last year, and since I am determined to work out constantly I think 15 lbs. isn't too bad of a goal for myself.  We'll see where I'm at in due time!

I left the gym at 11:45, got home around midnight, ate a few Ritz crackers with squeeze cheese (what?  I didn't eat dinner, ok?), and went to sleep.  This morning after I dropped the hellion off at school I went back to the gym and did another 30 minutes on the treadmill, but this time I did 2.27 miles!  See, one day and I'm already improving =)  After the treadmill I did another 50 crunches and went home, because tonight Chad and I are going to the gym to work out.  I'm going to focus on my shoulders and triceps-- after cardio, of course.  Then I'm going to finish, like I do with every workout, with crunches.

I don't ever want this feeling to go away.  I feel much more confident about my body and more motivated to work out regularly now that I've actually taken the next step.  (The first step was dropping $300 for a 1 year membership.  Eek!  I definitely plan to get my money's worth.)  Why did I quit working out in the first place? 

Next on my list is incorporating my yoga practice back into my routine.

My not-so-new New Year's Accomplishments

My awesome friend Lauren is always thinking of cool, different ideas.  She's so inspiring.
Today I was talking to her on the phone & she told me that instead of making a list of New Year's Resolutions she made a list of things she accomplished this past year.  Hearing her accomplishments made me happy for her and also made me want to make a list of my own accomplishments from 2011.  (I'm such a copycat.)  So without further ado, I present my list of accomplishments from 2011:

• I successfully completed my first semester at a four-year college.  Only three more semesters to go!
• I took Logan on a vacation to the beach.
• I paid off my credit cards.  (Right now I currently have balances on a few credit cards, but I plan on paying those off asap.)
• I bought a brand new car.
• I purchased a gym membership.....today, but hey, I still got one, right?
• I saw A Perfect Circle, Weezer, Stone Temple Pilots, The Avett Brothers, Band of Horses, The Black Keys, & John Butler Trio in concert-- bands I'd never seen live before.
• I was chosen to present some work from one of my classes at the 2012 College of Arts and Sciences Research Symposium.
• I wrote an article for the school newspaper.
• I took Logan to see the circus.
• I made new friends & built new relationships.
• I was at the hospital on my birthday to witness the birth of my niece.
• I was with one of my best friends, Crissy, on the day she became a mother.
• Another of my best friends, Brandi, finally got her wish to become a mother and will be one in January!
• One of my teachers published some of my work from the class I took with her in the spring.
• Logan & I started taking Taekwondo classes.
• I put together Logan's massive swing set that he got for his 4th birthday.
• I discovered Florence + The Machine, Adele, Mumford and Sons, SONOS, and The Civil Wars.  All of which I intend to see live in concert one day.
• I got a new tattoo.
• I took an interest in yoga.
• I de-activated my Facebook account....for a few weeks, anyway.
• I visited St. Augustine, Florida.
• I visited the German town of Helen, GA.
• I saw the very interesting Bodies Exhibition in Atlanta.
• A few important people went out of-- and came back into-- my life this year.

That's all I can think of at the moment, but just re-reading this list has lifted my spirits.  Make one for yourself!

Shake It Out- Florence + The Machine

Retract

Have you ever read something you wrote in the past and thought, "I sound pathetic?"  That happens to me.  A lot.  Introduce my horribly embarrassing previous post.  Ughhhh.  I think that about a lot of the things I write.  I want to go through and delete every emotional thing I've ever written, but I have such a horrible memory and I like to torture myself with the memories I do happen to keep, so embarrassing blog posts get the privilege of staying and being viewed (or not viewed) by friends and strangers alike.

Anyway, I said all that to say this:  I get on my nerves

I can't even begin to describe how many words and thoughts I've typed for this blog that I've deleted.  In my crazy, jumbled brain, the light bulb has gone off and revealed that I am, in fact, an idiot.

But I can't help it!  I just have such big dreams & bigger fears that sometimes I just lose sight of them because of my even bigger envious nature.  I'm going to improve.

So how do I improve?  New memories.

Like the 3 day (much needed) vacation I just took in the adorable German town of Helen, GA.

Or watching adorable kids while they put decorations on the Christmas tree.

Or planning a trip to TN in February to follow my two favorite music artists for a weekend.

RHCP

Ani Difranco

But most importantly, making new, painless memories with this adorable little man:

Time heals.  Eventually.  I'm looking forward to a new year with more new memories.

Doomsday

Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards?

Holding my hand while the life we created together was pushed into the world.
Sweet nothings lovingly whispered in my ear as that newborn's soon-to-be-familiar cry was first heard.  Promises made, kept and not kept.

A new found experience for the both of us.

The happiest day of his life.  Until today.

The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. 

How does one reconcile to fate?  "It's like moving mountains."

 It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act of self-preservation. 

7 months of knowing and avoiding the obvious couldn't prepare me for this day.

It's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it?













(Bold, italicized words from Ally Condie)

To spoil or not to spoil?

My hellion has told me repeatedly what he wants for Christmas:  a slew of games for the Playstation (which he'd better tell his dad, considering we don't have one) and "only TWO games for the Wii:  Captain America and Super Mario Brothers, Mommy."  This was after I already bought his Mario Brothers Strikers and a cheap Sonic the Hedgehog game.  I told myself I wasn't going to buy him the two games he requested because I already bought him those two games. But....the more I think about his cute little face, the more I want to buy him those "only two" games he requested.

As the second of four children, my parents didn't have a lot.  It was a very rare occasion for my siblings and myself to receive a gift from Santa that was on our Christmas Wish List.  I'm more than positive that my hellion is going to be my one and only child, and so I want to be able to provide for him the things that my parents couldn't provide for me.  Isn't that how most parents feel?

I know the logical answer is no.  Or to take the two games I already bought back and exchange them.  Or to just tell my hellion, "Better luck next year."  But, I mean.....how can I deny this sweet little innocent face?

Catch Up.

Today is my wonderful mother's birthday.  I'll never be able to repay her for all she's done for me & our family, but I'll be damned if I don't try.  My heart swells with love and admiration for my mother. 

My mom with my Uncle

Today my Bible as Lit. teacher chose eight students to enter work into the 2012 College of Arts and Sciences Research Symposium.  I was one of those chosen.  I am very honored and excited about this; however, the fact that I have to present my research from this class in front of a panel of judges absolutely terrifies me!  The date is in February, so wish me luck!


Also, I found out that the article I was asked to write for JSU's student newspaper, The Chanticleer, made the front page of tomorrow's edition!  I know it's just a small newspaper, but an accomplishment, nonetheless.

As the fall semester is drawing to a close, I can't help but feel that overwhelming anxiety that other students are feeling.  This semester I've learned the difference between a community college and a university.  While I definitely learned so much & enjoyed my community college experience, it definitely did not prepare me for the vast difference between it and JSU.  I just have my work cut out for me at JSU, and while it is so much more work than at GSCC, I feel like I've still learned and retained the majority of the information I've studied.  (Yes, William Shakespeare, that statement includes you.)

This semester I've learned that as my child has grown and has developed his personality more.  Because of this, I've realized that it's a lot harder to be a Super Mom- in the sense that I can't always do things that I want to do, the stuff I did before the hellion was old enough to tell me his wants.  This decline from the Super Mom is not something that I loathe; it is something that I've come to embrace because I get to witness the joy on my hellion's face as he discovers new adventures every day.

This semester I've (finally!) learned that it's ok to get a C.  (Even if I really do hate that it's going to bring down my GPA.)

This semester I've learned that I don't absolutely hate Shakespeare.  He's actually a pretty cool guy.  I still hate reading plays though.

This semester I've learned that I really don't have a firm understanding of grammar like I thought I did.  I blame my advanced grammar teacher for making me feel stupid.  & I think that's why I didn't like the class as much as I thought I would.

This semester I've learned that the Bible has some really interesting lesser-known stories, ones that aren't taught in most churches.

This semester I've come to appreciate Native American literature.  Native American author Sherman Alexie has made the list for one of my favorite authors.  If you've never read anything by him check out his novel, Reservation Blues.  I really enjoyed his work.

I've spoken with my tkd instructor about taking private lessons next semester to better coincide with my work and school schedule, and he's agreed!  Hopefully I can get back on track with that & working out regularly at the gym.

I have a little four-year-old hellion who is demanding his bedtime attention, so I must leave on that note.  Hopefully I will get to catch up more frequently.

Adam and Eve, Ani Difranco

I can't stop listening to this song.  Ani, Ani, you move me so.

A Mother's Growth

I haven't written in quite a while, yet I've just been thinking about a lot of different things, and needed to get one very important thing off my chest.

It is shameful to admit, but at this time last year I anxiously awaited all week for Saturday to come so I could be rid of my hellion.  I wanted to go out and be with friends and forget about my problems.  I wanted this because every time I looked at my hellion I saw his daddy in him and was reminded of what once was, of what I once had, of what I lost.  So during the week I would make plans for when my hellion would be away with his dad for the weekend.

I don't know when things changed, but my attitude has shifted.  This time last year I would have never thought that I would feel a huge, gaping hole in my heart every time my hellion went to his dad for the weekend, but now I do.  I miss him terribly when he's gone.  I want him all to myself.  I've come to dread Saturday nights when he goes to his dad.  I've come to count down the hours on Monday when he will be returned to me.

I've changed a lot since last year.  I was driven to be the best in every one of my classes at school.  At work I was ready to pick up as many shifts as possible so I could have money in the bank.  If any of these interrupted my time with my hellion, I would use the excuse that I was doing it for the betterment of his life.  In truth I was so dedicated in school and work because I wanted to be away from that constant reminder that his presence evoked.  I'm not saying that at this time last year I was a horrible mother; I made sure that I took care of my son.  I just wanted to be away from that constant, painful reminder.

I guess you could say that that one piece of advice that I despised hearing, the advice that EVERYONE kept telling me last year ("You'll heal, it just takes time") has sunk in.  I've begun to move on with my life and my life with my hellion.  While I haven't been the most dedicated student this semester or the most dedicated employee at work as of late, I have been the most dedicated mother.

I love my hellion so much it hurts.

Rest in Peace

On Wednesday, August 24, 2011, a local police officer was killed in the line of duty.  This police officer was Justin Sollohub.  His murder shocked our small community, mostly because "stuff like that doesn't happen here."  As someone who knew Justin well enough through association with a lot of his co-workers but not very well enough to call a "good" friend, I was particularly surprised at how strong my grief was at the news of his death.  I was dumbfounded:  chills all day at work despite the 90 degree weather, heart pounding at every text I received of news on his condition, tears threatening to spill out from my eyes every five minutes.  I thought about every encounter he & I had ever had, and the last conversation we had together, two weeks before his death.  My heart shuddered when I thought of his sweet girlfriend's reaction to the news.

All of these things I still think about now, almost a week after his death.

The way in which people come together when a tragedy happens is beautiful, and the way our community has united over the past few days has brought tears to my eyes more than one time.  But with the connectedness of our community has also come those individual few who bring negativity to a tragedy, and this also brings tears to my eyes.  Conversations & arguments with those who disagree about the circumstances of Justin's death sadden my heart.  I guess it's just different when a tragedy strikes someone you actually know. 

Justin was one who knew the risk he was taking when he joined the police force.  He was someone who served & protected those same people who are now provoking the emotions of those suffering from his death. He was someone whose life only interacted with mine on occasion.

I can not even fathom the pain his mother feels.  I can't even begin to imagine the immense amount of pain his beautiful, sweet girlfriend is encountering.  I can't imagine how deeply his co-workers, his secondary family, must be mourning.  I just can't imagine the intensity of their suffering.

But what I can imagine is the pain that I feel from Justin's death.  As someone whose life was a mere pinprick in mine, Justin's death dumbfounded me.  His death made it more of a reality that those I DO know, those I  care about who serve and protect, can be taken at any given moment.  I never knew the silhouette of his life next to mine would affect me so much, but it has.  His death has affected me even more.

Rest in peace, Justin.

Soundtrack of my life #20

 #20-  Your favorite break up song:  Slow Dancing in a Burning Room- John Mayer

 25 to Life- Eminem

 I CAN NOT GET THIS SONG OUT OF  MY HEAD.  It's been on repeat in my car for days now.

 Rolling in the Deep- Adele

Spot on, Adele.

I and Love and You- Avett Brothers


I wasn't going to post this song, but I can't leave it out.

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Taekwondo Woes

Have you ever seen me give a speech?  Sing a solo?  Present a research project?  Perform my white belt form in front of a panel of black belts? 

Well if you haven't, I'm sure you've known someone of relevance behavior.  You know, that person who sits in the back of the class, dreading the moment when the teacher calls his/her name, dripping in sweat & breaking out into hives as they walk up the aisle to the front of the class, hovering around the only possible thing to somewhat shield them (the podium, if lucky), certain that death will shortly follow this lifelong (3 minute) presentation/performance/etc.

Yeah, that person?  That's me.

Tonight I went to taekwondo practice. I had to perform my white belt form for the first time in front of a panel of black belts.  For those who don't know anything about taekwondo, your rank is determined by your belt color.  White belt is the beginning, or, first belt.  Black belt is the last belt, with varying "degrees" of black belts.  I ALMOST DIED.  Aside from my tkd teacher and 5 other black belts judging my form, there were also the OTHER students of varying belt colors judging (& probably laughing inwardly) at my form.

TKD belt hierarchy

I could feel the tears beginning to flow before he even called my name.  I'm not going to go into detail about the performance, lest I have a heart attack, but just know that that was extremely hard for me to do.  I stayed in the parking lot for a good 20 minutes after class crying on the phone to my friend Melanie, who is also taking the class with me, and sobbing that I couldn't pursue tkd any further.

After I got off the phone with Melanie I texted our friend Jeff, who recommended our tkd instructor to us.  He gave me a good pep talk, which is what I needed.  "EVERY member of that 'panel' has stood in your place.  The 'key', the very purpose of tkd testings and tournaments, is to put your mind under extreme duress but to push through it physically. . . . you're a white belt, this is totally NORMAL. . . . trust me."

Thank goodness for good friends with good advice & good pep talks.

I have testing this upcoming Saturday for my second belt, the yellow belt.  This week is going to be hell going through judging by the black belts from class, but I'm hoping that by Saturday I will be a little more comfortable with standing in front of a panel of black belt judges (some of whom I've never seen before!) & that I will amaze them with how far I've come since tonight.  I'm determined to master this art.  I just may have to suffer through a few heart attacks to get there.... =)

Wish me luck!

Soundtrack of my Life #3 (repeat)

#3- A song that makes you want to dance:  Diana- Paul Anka

Come a Little Bit Closer- Jay & the Americans

Little Latin Lupe Lu- Righteous Brothers

Tequila- The Champs

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Soundtrack of my Life #7

#7- One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like:  Kesha

I can't help it.  I didn't like her at first, but her music has grown on me.


We R Who We R

Tik Tok

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Insert slew of cuss words here.

Irony is a sneaky little mindfuck.

Update

Why is it easier for me to work out during winter as opposed to summer?  I hate sweating for an hour & a half at the gym, only to walk outside and continue to sweat from the gym and the heat.  So will it suffice to work out 6 days a week from September through April and not work out at all from May-August?  Blah.  LC & I haven't had a Fitness Friday in some weeks now, and I'm missing our relaxing yoga sessions.  

I am really enjoying my TKD class.  I feel that even though I'm not working out at the gym atm, I'm still getting a good workout (and becoming more flexible, to boot!) from practicing TKD 3 days a week.  I'd like to go more often, but we'll see about that when I get past a white belt =)  In addition to TKD I've also enrolled in a Women's Self Defense course.  I think it will be useful to know some self defense tactics, just in case.  Better safe than sorry, right?

Concerning my mental state:  the pain and suffering from this past year is finally beginning to wind down.  Talking to the variable helps.  Now when December comes along we'll see how I feel, and I may very well face a relapse.  We'll see.  Wish me luck.


On a different note, have I ever mentioned how much I love my hellion?  The other night when getting ready for bed he hugged me and said, "Mommy, I love you big like Bowser's Castle!"  That's a lot of love =)

Holiday Vacation

(Note:  I feel that as of late I've been a bit lazy when it comes to blogging--posting pictures to supplement words.  Not only in blogging, but in other aspects of my life:  working out, dieting, schoolwork, leisure reading, etc.  I want to remedy this.  I know that I've backtracked before, and I've said the same thing before (more than once, I'm sure), but SERIOUSLY.  I've been making pity excuses about everything, and I need to snap out of it and get back on track.  Two things that have helped:  I joined TKD, for good this time, & am very excited and anxious about mastering this beautiful art.  And also my English teacher asked permission to publish the first essay I wrote!  These two things should be a good start to the inspiration I need in my life again.  I must not let the fog cloud my brain!)

All of that being said, it is late and I should be asleep, so this blog is indeed supplemented with pictures instead of words.

I took the hellion to Jacksonville, FL for a week with my best friend, Dara, and her daughter.  We literally spent every day going from sun up to midnight.  I didn't get nearly as much sleep as I would on a normal schedule, but it was worth every minute.  By the end of the week Dara and I were ready to kill each other, but the kids had a great time, and we did too.

Jacksonville Zoo

Adventure Landing, water park

Crescent Beach, St. Augustine

July 4th, Lady St. John boat cruise

Soundtrack of my Life #22

Your favorite song from a movie:  Roxanne- Moulin Rouge

Come What May- Moulin Rouge

Moulin Rouge is one of my FAVORITE movies.  You should watch it if you haven't.

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

06.16.11

I had a wonderful birthday.

I didn't go to class because my sister had her baby!  Jaela Noelle, born at 9:04 A.M., 7 lbs. 1 oz. 20 in. Best birthday gift anyone could ask.

I was treated to lunch at IHOP by my long time best friend, Angela.  It was a good lunch date.

I took the hellion to see X-Men:  First Class, which we both loved!  The hellion said, "Mommy, the red one is my favorite.  Who is your favorite?"  I said, "Mystique."  To which he replied, "No, Mommy, her REAL name is Raven!"  Such a smart 4 yr. old.  Proud mommy is proud.

Had a good time that night with my friends, and was still at home in bed by 10 P.M.  Man, I'm the oldest 24 yr. old I know.  I wish I could have taken more pictures, but alcohol prevented that from happening.  Oops...

Birthday Wish List

Several friends have asked what I would like for my birthday.  I don't really know, so I've been trying to think of things I want.

X-Men: First Class with the hellion

Someone to go to class for me so I can relax all day

Breakfast at IHOP

Beauty day at the salon

Tanning package (promote skin cancer!)

Gym membership or its equivalent (i.e. p90x, personal trainer, etc. haha)

One can never go wrong with a gift card to a book store or any store for that matter =)

Tickets to see A Perfect Circle in July (tickets are RIDICULOUSLY expensive though)

Someone to wash & vacuum my car =)

New tattoo

I can't really think of anything else.  I'm not too keen on receiving gifts.  I've always been weird about it.

I would really like to take a day off sometime and go for a ride somewhere.  Take a scenic walk in one of the state parks.  Or have a picnic.  See a play in an old theater.  Gamble in a Mississippi casino and leave with more money than with which I came.  See Mumford & Sons.  Sailing for a day.  Play a good game of volleyball. Yoga.  But more than that, I just really want to have a big dinner with all my friends.  Good food, good drinks, good conversations, etc.

Simple.

After a lonesome night & a few encouraging text messages, I woke up this morning & reminded myself that "this too shall pass."

To get back to my happy place, I decided to pay more attention to the details of my day.  Things that made me happy and grateful:

• Having a job that exhausts me.
• Inside jokes with co-workers.
• Seeing my innocent little nephew smile.
• Reading a book outside while watching my hellion swim in the swimming pool.
• Watching my mother grill a Philipino delicacy alongside grilled corn on the cob, with such ease.  
• Eating said delicacy and realizing how much my parents have sacrificed for me.
• My dad.  My heart swells with love & admiration.
• Watching my parents water the garden together.
• Hearing my hellion say, "Mommy, you make me happy."

The little things.

Closure.

I've been wanting to write this post for weeks now, but I haven't really made the time to do so.

I don't know if you're reading this, or if you ever will read this, but I'm sending it out into the web anyways.
I apologize for what happened towards our relationship's end, and I hope that there are no hard feelings now.  I look back on our time together as one of wonderful times, with us being friends in many ways that we both needed.  I miss that friendship, but I hope that you can now look at our time together without the cloud of complications & distress that hovered over the end of our relationship.
I don't want you to associate my memory with bitterness.  I want you to remember me as the one who tore down your walls, who helped you open yourself, & who led you to where you are now, with whom you're with now.
I wish you nothing but happiness.
I am sincerely, truly, genuinely happy for you.


Love always,
C



For CRG.

Soundtrack of my Life # 13

#13- A song you sing in the shower:  Extraordinary Machine- Fiona Apple

Love her voice.

Shadowboxer- Fiona Apple

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Mother's Day

Last night after I read the hellion his bedtime story we were lying in bed when he turned to me and hugged my neck.

He said, "Mommy!"
"What, baby?" I replied.
"The universe is BIG, Mommy."
"You're right, baby, the universe is very big."
"And you know what, Mommy?  I love you more than anything in ALL the universes.  And there are A LOT of big universes."

=)
That's my little 4 yr. old hellion.  Mommy is proud.

Soundtrack of my Life # 2

#2- A song that makes you cry:  Little Lion Man- Mumford & Sons

I've heard of Mumford & Sons before, but yesterday is the first time I listened to any of their stuff.  This song did it for me. It's also my new favorite song.

 Fire in the Sky- John Butler Trio

Someone Like You- Adele

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Fixed

My computer is fixed!  Hooray.  My pictures and music were saved!  Hooray.  I have internet again!  Hooray.

I had a shitty week last week.  Boo.  So shitty that I don't feel like blogging.  Boo.

Virus.

My computer has a virus on it.  I am currently at the school's computer lab typing this post.  Just wanted to say that while I'm patiently waiting for my friend to fix my computer, I have SO much on my mind that I want to blog about, much more than the limited amount of time I can spend on the school's computer/in the school's computer lab will allow.  Hopefully I won't forget it all by the time my computer is fixed.

Buenos días!

The mind is everything. What you think, you become.

This morning LC & I did water aerobics at the gym.  It was the fist time we had ever tried that exercise.  Aside from the lifeguards, we were the youngest two there, but it was a relaxing environment and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  It was quite refreshing to do something challenging and different, and ever since the class ended I feel like I've been kicking life's ass today!  I've been in a good, positive mood.  Sometimes it's good to get out of your routine.  Next Wednesday, weather permitting, she and I will ride our bikes along the trail.  Can't wait!  I'm enjoying all the varieties of exercise we will be doing:  yoga, working out, bike riding, water aerobics, etc.

So a little update on my life thus far:

I bought a new car, with which I'm happy.  However, I had a few things fall through as far as moving to Birmingham for school goes, thus I will not be moving in June.  Please believe me when I say that I was very, very depressed about it.  (Did you notice that I didn't blog for a very long time?  That is why.  I just didn't feel like whining about it, so I did inwardly.)  BUT, I'm starting to get out of that hovering, thick fog and I'm beginning to see the more positive things that can/will result from staying in my hometown.  Water aerobics this morning has helped me a lot with that aspect (weird but true).
I think a big problem with the moving aspect is that I am so impatient.  The only thing that has consumed me since Casey & I split is this thought: I MUST MOVE.  I MUST GET OUT OF HERE.  I think if I practice patience and I let the desire to move come naturally to me, (as opposed to trying to get out of here as quickly as possible--finances straight or not--) that I will come out much happier when I do try to move.  Maybe I should stop trying to fight fate/destiny/insert word here.
Maybe I need to stop being selfish and see that staying here is healthier for my beautiful hellion, who is my #1 pride, joy, and priority in my life.
So I plan to live here for at least the next 2 years, while I finish my Bachelor's degree.  I am looking for a new job, so wish me luck!  I really need to get out of the restaurant business, no matter how much money I make there.  I will more than likely have those "I hate my life, I want to die" moments, of that I'm sure.  But this whole optimistic outlook on life isn't so bad after all.  I think I like seeing the rainbows after the rain.

With all that being said, I'm looking to enroll my hellion and possibly myself into a martial arts class!  I'm so excited and I can't wait to see the hellion in action; he could definitely kick some major ass in taekwondo.  I could be like a normal parent and enroll him in tee ball or soccer, but I think he would enjoy martial arts more, seeing as how he loves to drive me crazy.  I think he & I learning martial arts together will kill several birds with one stone for the both of us:  I would like to learn some self-defense tactics, we could share something together that we both enjoy, and he could be more of a hellion!  Now only if he'll enjoy it and not want to quit...

Wish us luck!  And add that to my list of exercise.

Crawfish Boil 2011

The Crawfish Boil was fun.  Good company and a lot of laughs and mishaps.  I ran into a lot of people I knew, and had a lot of fun as only drunk friends who don't see each other often can have.  I wish I would have thought to take more pictures with those friends.  I didn't get many pictures of the bands because I was too busy socializing and rocking out, but I'm happy with the pictures I did get.  I really wanted to get pics of Sublime with Rome, but I wasn't close enough to the stage, as my phone's camera is not very good.  All in all, it was another good, memorable year at the Crawfish Boil. 

 I was very excited for the chance to see Weezer.  They are a big deal for me because Casey and I shared such a passion for their music.  I guessed that they would open with "Hashpipe" and I was right!  They also played "The Sweater Song", "Only in Dreams", and "Island in the Sun," which are probably my favorite songs by them.  Their closing song was "Buddy Holly," which had a great ending.  I was a little disappointed that they didn't come out for an encore, but just the chance to see them was enough to satiate me.

Weezer!

After party....a little tipsy....

The only band I really wanted to see on Day 2 was Stone Temple Pilots.  I would have liked to see Cage the Elephant, but I had to work and they aren't necessarily on the top of my concert list.  Dara wanted to see Nelly, and we got there as he was beginning.

 I didn't get any pics of Nelly, but I did get to hear him perform "Just a Dream," which is probably my favorite song by him (yes, I just admitted that, but it's only because it hits home).

I was super excited to see Stone Temple Pilots.  They performed "Down," which is the song I wanted to hear the most.  We got right up to the gate!  Great view, great concert.

STP!

Question:

When do you stop blaming yourself?

(Happy 4th birthday to my little hellion.)

Easter Sunday

Things have been hectic lately; mainly my emotions.  I have a lot on my mind, but don't feel like talking.  It's basically the same rants that I've spouted over and over in my head throughout the course of 2010.

So instead of whining again, I will just leave you with some of the more positive aspects of my life right now:

My nephew, who resembles his momma so much!