Taekwondo Woes

Have you ever seen me give a speech?  Sing a solo?  Present a research project?  Perform my white belt form in front of a panel of black belts? 

Well if you haven't, I'm sure you've known someone of relevance behavior.  You know, that person who sits in the back of the class, dreading the moment when the teacher calls his/her name, dripping in sweat & breaking out into hives as they walk up the aisle to the front of the class, hovering around the only possible thing to somewhat shield them (the podium, if lucky), certain that death will shortly follow this lifelong (3 minute) presentation/performance/etc.

Yeah, that person?  That's me.

Tonight I went to taekwondo practice. I had to perform my white belt form for the first time in front of a panel of black belts.  For those who don't know anything about taekwondo, your rank is determined by your belt color.  White belt is the beginning, or, first belt.  Black belt is the last belt, with varying "degrees" of black belts.  I ALMOST DIED.  Aside from my tkd teacher and 5 other black belts judging my form, there were also the OTHER students of varying belt colors judging (& probably laughing inwardly) at my form.

TKD belt hierarchy

I could feel the tears beginning to flow before he even called my name.  I'm not going to go into detail about the performance, lest I have a heart attack, but just know that that was extremely hard for me to do.  I stayed in the parking lot for a good 20 minutes after class crying on the phone to my friend Melanie, who is also taking the class with me, and sobbing that I couldn't pursue tkd any further.

After I got off the phone with Melanie I texted our friend Jeff, who recommended our tkd instructor to us.  He gave me a good pep talk, which is what I needed.  "EVERY member of that 'panel' has stood in your place.  The 'key', the very purpose of tkd testings and tournaments, is to put your mind under extreme duress but to push through it physically. . . . you're a white belt, this is totally NORMAL. . . . trust me."

Thank goodness for good friends with good advice & good pep talks.

I have testing this upcoming Saturday for my second belt, the yellow belt.  This week is going to be hell going through judging by the black belts from class, but I'm hoping that by Saturday I will be a little more comfortable with standing in front of a panel of black belt judges (some of whom I've never seen before!) & that I will amaze them with how far I've come since tonight.  I'm determined to master this art.  I just may have to suffer through a few heart attacks to get there.... =)

Wish me luck!