T minus 208

208 days until my wedding.  As the day draws closer, I'm getting those wedding jitters that I suppose every soon-to-be married person gets.  House hunting, financial planning, etc. has set my brain whirling.  I feel more of an adult now than I ever have in my entire life; yes, even more so than the day the hellion was born.  These nerves will not get the best of me, however, because I plan on accomplishing everything I have my mind set to and then some.  I've always prided myself on my determination, and I have no intentions on letting my pre-wedding jitters get the worst of me.

Which leads me to the reason I'm writing this blog:

I am determined.  I always have been, and I always will be.  I credit this to my parents and watching their struggle to raise four kids on a very limited income.  While some may view my parents as weak, I view them both as strong and proud.  I have picked up these attributes and additional attributes through the years.  One such additional attribute is my love for exercising and staying fit through other various activities.

Today was the first day in a long time that I actually had a real workout.  By "real workout" I mean one where I actually lifted weights instead of just going to the gym and doing stationary cycling for an hour so I could catch up on my reading assignments for school.  While I enjoy stationary cycling and the chance to read uninterrupted for an hour whilst also doing a beneficial exercise for my body, my love for exercising has always been with free weights and challenging myself to improve  and move up with the weights.  I haven't had a chance to do a real workout lately because I've been so frazzled with school and work and most importantly, the hellion.

I am not one to put up with people whining about their problems.  And by no means am I trying to toot my own horn here, but I've been going to school full time, working full time, and raising a kid for the past 4 years.  In August, I acquired a second job.  So yes, since August I've been working two jobs full time, going to school full time, and raising a kid.  I've managed to keep all As during this time, and fortunately, both jobs allow me to have the same off days (Tuesday and Thursday, which just so happens to be the same days I have class from 9 A.M. to 2 P.M.), and on those off days, when the hellion and I get out of school, I make sure to spend quality time with him.

Needless to say, I'm EXHAUSTED.  But I'm not an idiot; I know that I've chosen to put myself into this situation.  Why?  Well, because frankly, I'm an English major who has been working the same job throughout my high school and college careers, a job in the fast food industry for the past EIGHT years.  Leave it to say that my resume isn't too impressive to most potential employers, despite the fact that I've had a consistent work history.  So I went out and found another job, though not in my future career choice. 

Now, I totally went off on a tangent to say this:  with my hectic schedule, of course I had to let something go.  First, it was my taekwondo classes.  Then it was the gym, despite that I bought and paid-in-full a year's membership.  Everything that had to do with my fitness and exercise was cut from my list.  The weight I lost during the first half of the year slowly crept back into my body.  It didn't help that I wasn't watching what I was eating.  But then again, when you're on the go from sunup to sundown, it makes it harder to monitor your diet.

None of this was more evident to me than this past Saturday, when I had a bridal luncheon with my bridesmaids.  We went to David's Bridal to order their bridesmaid dresses, and I got measured just for shits and giggles.  My measurements on Saturday were 35 & 1/2 in the chest, 31 in the waist, and 38 in the hips.  Not a big deal to some of you, but at my greatest healthy weight loss, I was down to a size 2. So I know that getting back down to a size 2 is not unreasonable.  My body was healthy at a size 2 since I was working out constantly, and I felt more confident that I ever have in my life.

After I completely stopped working out in August, I talked with my friend Steven, who agreed to begin working with me at the gym in January so I could feel confident in my wedding dress for the wedding in May.  Because of this agreement with Steven, I completely dismissed every picking up a free weight again--until January, that is.  AND I WAS FINE WITH THIS PLAN.  Why?  Because I told myself that my crazy schedule didn't allow time for me to work out anymore.  So I decided to wait until January to hit the gym full time (since graduation is in December and I plan on quitting my fast food job then also, I would have more time to dedicate to the gym).  Well, the other day I was on the phone with Steven, who was once again giving me a pep talk about working out.  He told me, "If you want to look good badly enough, you'll MAKE the time."  This is coming from the guy who lost some 60 odd pounds in 35 weeks in order to train for a body building competition.  (He won second in the competition, though I personally feel, from looking at the pictures, that he should have won first.)

So after Steven's words, and after my shocking body measurements from Saturday, I had a revelation.  I CAN make the time, I just have been using my busy schedule as an excuse.  So I've decided to stop making excuses and to get my ass back in the gym.  Today I woke up early, for starting my day at the gym is my favorite way to begin the day, and I went to the gym and did a real workout.  I've found my fitness determination again, and I don't plan on letting it go.  Whether or not I get down to a size 2 is up to me, and I plan on at least losing a few pounds before the wedding in May.

I hope this blog post doesn't make me sound obnoxious.  I know some people would feel that way by listening to someone complaining about not being a size 2.  But I'm doing it the healthy way, just like I did before.  See this post for proof.  I know it can be done.  I did it, and Steven lost all that weight (for body building competition purposes) in 35 weeks!  It can be done.  So the next time I want to complain about this, I'm going to read this blog post for inspiration.  And let's not forget the endorphins sent to the brain after a good workout.  It is a  good probability that said endorphins are the reason I wrote this extremely long blog.  So get out there and do it!

The point I'm making by saying all this is that you do what you have to do.  Some people have no determination to succeed in life, others, like myself, do have that determination.  And despite the odds stacked against them, they will do whatever it takes, no matter how much sleep lost, to succeed.  

I will do what it takes, the healthy way, in order to succeed in my life goals.

Addition & Subtraction

A lot of new things occurring in my life as of late. 

Most importantly, I got NEW (second) job!  If you didn't already know, I've been working in the fast food industry since high school.  It's a job that paid the bills and didn't distract from my studies.  I'm grateful for the job, but it's time to start slowly breaking the tie I have to it.  One of my goals is to have a new "better" job when I graduate with my bachelor's degree in December (definitely before the new year, 2013).  While at this new job I am only making minimum wage, it is definitely more relaxed and professional than my fast food job, and I have opportunities to rise further up the ladder.  I love everything about the job, so far.  Then again, I've only been working there for a little under a month, so we'll see how it turns out, perhaps a year from now. I don't know what's going to happen after the wedding next May, considering that Chadrick and I are planning on relocating.  Anyway, I have no intentions of quitting this second job, although it has proven tough to work two jobs and take care of the hellion and go to school full time.  Staying completely busy is not an alien concept to me, considering that I've been on the go practically since the hellion was born.  It's a role I fit well =)

In addition to a new job, I also got a new car!  I love everything about my new car.  I think it is more "me" than the Honda I bought last year.  While I was a bit overwhelmed at the luxury of the inside at first, I've become adjusted to it. I have dubbed her "Sonja the Sonata."

  
I've noticed that more and more people are tying the knot. This is something to which I've never before paid attention.  Am I looking more closely now because I'm soon-to-be married myself?  Because I'm older?  Because I didn't care before?  A combination of all three (and more)?  Of course all these weddings have opened a whole new world for me in wedding planning, what I originally wanted and what I now want.  Chadrick and I have decided to do a book themed wedding (he loves me, doesn't he?), complete with a flood of ideas from various wedding planning websites.  I'm really excited about everything coming together for the wedding.  We have all the major necessities taken care of, with the exception of the caterer and the dj.  Everything else has been decided, so the only main concern is the little things such as getting everything and everyone together for programming purposes, and, of course, the actual "bringing together" of all these small details.  So much preparation for one day!  But it's a challenge that I've taken on and won't let it get me down.

A few weeks ago I started my last semester as an undergrad!  I graduate on December 14th and am so excited!!  I've developed a very mild case of senioritis.  It's not an especially developed case, just one that makes me take a more relaxed outlook at my class schedule and assignments.  For those who don't know, a relaxed attitude about classes is a RARE thing to me.  There's just something about your last semester as an undergrad that does it to you.  What can I say?  I'm still going to make all As. =)

While there have been new additions in my life, there have also been a few things I've taken out of my life.  One of these things is a childhood friend.  A situation arose last weekend that made me upset and sad for said childhood friend.  I'm not going to go into extreme detail, but I hope that she doesn't ever have to learn the hard way who her real friends are.Maybe one day this burnt bridge can be rebuilt.  I hope so, anyway.

Another thing I've given up, at least until after December, is taekwondo.  I can't remember if I've already stated that in a previous blog, but here ya have it.  It's not that I'm not enjoying taekwondo, it's just that I don't have the time for it, especially now that I have a second job.  I took the hellion out of taekwondo also.  He wants to try other sports and activities, and unfortunately my finances and availability don't always agree.  Maybe after December he can, like me, take on taekwondo again.

The biggest thing that I've let go from my life is my decision to attend grad school in January.  I've been in school constantly (fall, spring, and summer) since the hellion was 1.  I feel that I should take a break from school, especially with the wedding coming up in May.  I don't want to overstress myself concerning grad school AND the wedding.  While I know that I can handle both of those things at the same time, it's really just an issue of me taking some time off to enjoy myself more.  Grad school can wait until Fall 2013.  I know I'll stick to my guns and go too, so it's not just something I'm going to put off and never accomplish.  My plans for next "semester" include reading as many books as possible, searching for a house in the location Chadrick and I have chosen to move to after the wedding, and working only one job.  I also plan on dedicating myself more to the hellion in his kindergarten studies.

Speaking of the hellion, did you know that he started kindergarten?!  I can't believe my baby is already a school-aged child.  Before I know it, he'll be a senior!  Sorry for the mom rant, but it really does make me sad.  It also makes me excited that I get to see this sweet little person that came from my body grow and develop into his own person.  Sometimes I have minor panic attacks at his future (Will I be a good mom?  Will he hate me during his teenage years?  Afterward?  How is he going to turn out?), but I think that is something that every parent goes through.  For now, he is my sweet little hellion.

1st day of kindergarten

Arts and crafts day at the library

Stay Together for the Kids

It's been 2 years and I had completely forgotten about this song.  Bittersweet, considering I never really listen to them.

 Blink 182- "Stay Together for the Kids"

 

"If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants, then why is there so much pain?
So here's your holiday,
hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away."

Saying "Yes to the Dress"

Yesterday I went with my mom, future mother-in-law, and two of my bridesmaids to look for my wedding dress.  I wasn't planning on buying a dress yesterday, but I found one that literally took my breath away when I saw it on me in the mirror.  We spent two hours trying on dresses, and this blog is dedicated to those dresses that didn't make the cut.  Fiancee can rest assured that the dress I chose is not in one of the following pictures.

(I hope posting these pictures isn't wedding taboo or anything of the sort....)

 This first dress was absolutely gorgeous!  It was, however, extremely heavy and since we're having a summer wedding, I didn't see it as a possibility.  It made me feel like a queen though =)

 The opposite of the first dress, this dress made me feel like a princess.  I loved it & the train, but I felt like it was a little too tight in the back area.

 Dara and Roberta picked out two "fun" dresses for me to try on.  The one on the left, which I deemed "the Taylor Swift dress," was chosen by Dara.  I felt like I was going to a prom.   The one on the right was chosen by Roberta.

 

 This dress is the runner up to the dress I chose.  I had a hard time deciding, but I chose the other dress because this dress didn't take my breath away like the one I chose.

The last dress I tried on was my original first choice.  I LOVED the back of it, but I thought the front wasn't as up to par; it seemed like it was a little too plain in comparison with the back of the dress.

My future mother-in-law surprised me with a great gift, and I am very grateful for her in my life.  We all went to Subway afterward for a quick lunch.  I have to be more conscious of what I eat now because I have a wedding dress to fit into!

My name is Crystal, and I have a problem.

According to my Fitocracy profile, my last real workout was on June 26th.  June 26th was two days before my June minimester finals.  June 26th was also two days before our family beach vacation.  June 26th also made day 5 of my "low carb" diet.  June 26th was also the week that I was premenstrual, meaning that I was super depressed and whiny, because I ALWAYS get like that the week before my period. It's not a good feeling.  So while on our beach vacation, I used being premenstrual as an excuse to blow through my low carb diet, and devoured everything in sight.  Hey, isn't that what you're supposed to do on vacation anyway?  "Once I get back home and out of this premenstrual funk I'll go back to the gym."  Ha. Ha. Ha.

So after our wonderful beach vacation, I didn't go to the gym for the rest of the week.  I blamed my actual period this time, not my premenstrual hormones.  Then the week after that (July 9th) I used the start of July term as an excuse.  (July classes run from 7:00 A.M. to 12:15 P.M.)  School four days a week plus work five days a week?  No way.  "I'm too tired to work out!"  I was still paying no mind to my diet.  I told myself constantly yesterday (July 15th) that since I didn't have work, class, or the hellion, I would go to the gym and make it kick my ass.  Needless to say, I literally laid on the couch all day.  Which, may I add, is something that I NEVER do.  It felt nice to be lazy all day, but it's not something that I could grow accustomed to doing.

So here I am, typing up the past lazy twenty days of my life.  Aside from being a lazy fuck, the main reason I haven't been to the gym in the last twenty days is because I (ashamedly) was too focused on the competitiveness of Fitocracy.  On the website, you earn points for every exercise you do, and my workout quickly changed from working out to get toned and fit to working out in order to compete with my real friends-- the ones that I actually know-- on Fitocracy.  When these friends quit working out, I continued to work out, but was now competing against my other friends on Fitocracy, the ones I know through the Fitocracy network.  Because of this, I quickly realized that I wasn't seeing the results I had started to see before I went all Bad Sportsmanship Panda on everyone. (Because I wasn't doing any set target area workout, I was just doing things to earn the most amount of points on Fitocracy.)

I had this grand scheme in my head that I was going to hire a personal trainer in order to get back into shape and still be able to compete against other Fitocrats.  I was even going to sell my gym membership and buy a membership at another gym because my bodybuilder friend was willing to work with me.  But then he told me something that slapped me into reality, "Crystal, you don't need me.  You already know what you need to do."  So, with this realization, I understood that it was time for me to come out into the open with the reason and admit my shame:  that I've been a bad sport, and haven't been focused on my fitness goals like I used to be.

While some could say that a possible solution would be to stop using Fitocracy, I do not want to rid myself from it because it is such a great website:  the people are supportive and knowledgeable, everyone is willing to give advice when asked, and more importantly, it's such a great positive atmosphere.  There is never any pessimism; it's always optimistic and supportive, which is what most people need when undertaking fitness goals.  It's a great website and I have no intentions of deactivating my membership.

I just wrote this blog to ask forgiveness from my fellow Fitocrats.  Now that I'm no longer in denial and have come to terms with my laziness due to my bad sportsmanship, I'm ready to get back into the gym and start kicking some ass.  Can you forgive me?

What I've done during the past 6 months of my Facebook-free life.....

I decided to delete my Facebook account at the end of 2011.  This was due to reasons some of you may or may not know, but I reactivated my account two days ago, after 6 months of no popular social networking.

So what have I done these past 6 months?  Well, in addition to (somewhat) updating this blog.....

• I joined a new blog site:  Tumblr.
• I also convinced LC to join Tumblr, and whilst talking about why we liked it so much, we decided that it is because we can shy away from "social" networking, being mysterious while connecting with others who also share the same interests.  It's also nice to note the lack of drama that Tumblr social networking proivdes.  Check out my tumblr page here.

• I also joined a fitness social networking site:  Fitocracy.
•  Shortly before I deactivated my fb account, I bought a gym membership and joined this website. This website is amazing; the competitiveness of it and the people on it keep me motivated to work out. There is no weird pick up lines and hooking up (at least not with me), and the people are always so positive.  Again, with this website, like Tumblr, I can stay mysterious while getting positive feedback and optimism about staying in shape and being healthy.

• After being told about it by the fiancee, I also started an instagram account.
• I don't know how to connect the link to my account, but my name is lwlmthompson if you want to follow me.

• Additionally, I joined a Linkedin.
• Linkedin is a professional networking site.  I joined it in order to try and help get a job more steered toward my goal career.  Wish me luck!

• I focused more on schoolwork.
• It's funny how Facebook takes up so much of your time.  Without fb, I was able to focus more on school.  So much so that I made the President's List (all As) at JSU last semester.  I also made As in the two classes I took during June, and fully intend on making As in the two classes I'm taking now in July.  I am taking four classes this fall, and while I plan on staying active on fb, I also plan to make the President's List again in the fall before graduation in December.

•  I focused more on my relationship with other people.
• It's funny to see who your real friends are when you don't have fb.  While social networking can be a great way to strengthen friendships, it can also be an illusion of what friendship really is.  Without fb I was able to connect more on the friends that really mattered, and build more solid relationships with them the old fashioned way.

•  I figured out what I want to do with my life:  become a librarian.
• While some may scoff at the idea, I've realized that this is perfect for me.  No it's not the most ideal career, but if you know me (or have seen my tumblr page) you can get an idea of how much I love reading and books, and how books make me so happy.  Yes, I'm a nerd.  It is because I wasn't spending so much time on fb that I was able to read more and finally realize what I wanted to do with my life after college.

•  I was able to travel and go on adventures without being bombarded by fb.
• You know how this goes.  You go on vacation and you have this desire to take a million pictures and post them on fb, or to post status updates for bragging purposes to make those who aren't on vacation envious that you are.  Yeah, that was me.  Big time.  It was nice to actually go on vacation and not worry about posting pictures and status updates on fb every five minutes.  And I must say that the fiancee and I did a lot of traveling and had a lot of adventures the last 6 months, and we have more planned for the rest of the year.  It was good bonding time for us =)

There are a plethora of other things I accomplished while not having a fb, but these are the big ones I can think of right now.  Which leads me to the question I'm sure some of you are asking:  if my life was so great without Facebook, what made me reactivate my account?

In all honesty, I don't know.  Maybe it was because my 54-year-old technology-challenged mother got a fb account in order to connect with her family in the Philippines.  Maybe it's because I was completely bored one day and decided I wanted to start snooping on fb again.  All I know is that I reactivated my account two days ago and was completely overwhelmed about all the "new" things on fb.  These things that I used to know how to  navigate, and now I don't have a clue.  I, like my parents, am completely technology-retarded, and you can ask my fiancee about how frustrated I was/am about how difficult it is to navigate fb now.  It's a learning process.

That being said, there's something about "mysterious" social networking that doesn't cut it for me.  I guess you could say I substituted personal social networking for mysterious social networking, and while that's all well & good, sometimes it's nice to know what's going on in the lives of the people around you.  Like with my sisters and my nieces and nephews.  Or with my best friend, Crissy, whom I don't get to see anymore because she moved away.  Or with friends that live in other states.  Or even with my family in the Philippines.  I guess I deactivated my fb account the first time because I lost sight of what fb was initially for:  social networking, not stalker central.  I can say that while I deleted over 150 people from my account the day I reactivated it, I am still not on it as much as I was before.  For now, anyway.

Clutter, clutter, everywhere!

So every now and then I get in this mood to where I want to try and rid every aspect of my life of clutter.  I did this yesterday with my tumblr page, I did it with the pictures on my computer, etc., and then today I realize that when I go through these minimizing stages in my life, I fill the new space with more material things, such as clothes.  Although I just got back (BROKE) from my beach vacation on Sunday, I proceeded to go to the local mall today and spend about $250 on clothes in various stores.  Why does this always happen to me?  I am blaming this behavior on my premenstrual hormones.  That's totally it.

So the fiancee and I took the kids to Destin, FL this past week, and it was a blast.  Granted, I am pooped, I am broke, and I am certain that I am never having any more kids, but I still had a good time.  Vacation completely spoiled me, as I didn't watch what I ate and did little to no (lifting) exercising.  I blame this, again, on being premenstrual.  You boys are so lucky to not have to deal with this kind of girly stuff.  Ugh.  Anyway, check my  instagram for vacation pictures.

I finished both of my June summer classes (Black America and The Health Aspects of Aging) with As!  It raised my GPA from a 3.5 to a 3.6, so I am hoping that by the time graduation comes in December I will have at least a 3.7 if not higher-- we'll see what happens with my two July summer classes.  I know GPA does not really matter as far as employment after graduation goes, but it is something that is important to me, and I will attain to go above and beyond  my goals. 
I am also working to get my graduate application to UA together.  It's due in October, but I want to have it in by September to be considered for scholarships.  Wish me luck!

Also, today I got this crazy idea to reactivate my facebook account.  I've gone 6 months without facebook, and I don't miss it or anything like that, but today I got extremely bored and wanted to check my facebook account.  This idea may fit into the whole de-cluttering thing I was talking about earlier?  I don't know.  We'll see.