Rest in Peace

On Wednesday, August 24, 2011, a local police officer was killed in the line of duty.  This police officer was Justin Sollohub.  His murder shocked our small community, mostly because "stuff like that doesn't happen here."  As someone who knew Justin well enough through association with a lot of his co-workers but not very well enough to call a "good" friend, I was particularly surprised at how strong my grief was at the news of his death.  I was dumbfounded:  chills all day at work despite the 90 degree weather, heart pounding at every text I received of news on his condition, tears threatening to spill out from my eyes every five minutes.  I thought about every encounter he & I had ever had, and the last conversation we had together, two weeks before his death.  My heart shuddered when I thought of his sweet girlfriend's reaction to the news.

All of these things I still think about now, almost a week after his death.

The way in which people come together when a tragedy happens is beautiful, and the way our community has united over the past few days has brought tears to my eyes more than one time.  But with the connectedness of our community has also come those individual few who bring negativity to a tragedy, and this also brings tears to my eyes.  Conversations & arguments with those who disagree about the circumstances of Justin's death sadden my heart.  I guess it's just different when a tragedy strikes someone you actually know. 

Justin was one who knew the risk he was taking when he joined the police force.  He was someone who served & protected those same people who are now provoking the emotions of those suffering from his death. He was someone whose life only interacted with mine on occasion.

I can not even fathom the pain his mother feels.  I can't even begin to imagine the immense amount of pain his beautiful, sweet girlfriend is encountering.  I can't imagine how deeply his co-workers, his secondary family, must be mourning.  I just can't imagine the intensity of their suffering.

But what I can imagine is the pain that I feel from Justin's death.  As someone whose life was a mere pinprick in mine, Justin's death dumbfounded me.  His death made it more of a reality that those I DO know, those I  care about who serve and protect, can be taken at any given moment.  I never knew the silhouette of his life next to mine would affect me so much, but it has.  His death has affected me even more.

Rest in peace, Justin.

Soundtrack of my life #20

 #20-  Your favorite break up song:  Slow Dancing in a Burning Room- John Mayer

 25 to Life- Eminem

 I CAN NOT GET THIS SONG OUT OF  MY HEAD.  It's been on repeat in my car for days now.

 Rolling in the Deep- Adele

Spot on, Adele.

I and Love and You- Avett Brothers


I wasn't going to post this song, but I can't leave it out.

1.  Your favorite song.
2.  A song that makes you cry.
3.  A song that makes you dance.
4.  Your favorite male singer.
5.  Your favorite female singer.
6.  Your favorite band.
7.  One band/singer you're ashamed to admit you like.
8.  One band/singer whose popularity you will never understand.
9.  A song that reminds you of an ex.
10.  A song that reminds you of your father.
11.  A song that reminds you of your mother.
12.  A song that makes you want to have sex.
13.  A song you sing in the shower.
14.  A song from the year you were born.
15.  A song you liked in high school.
16.  The first song in your mp3 folder.
17.  The last song in your mp3 folder.
18.  An instrumental song that you like.
19.  Your favorite love song.
20.  Your favorite break up song.
21.  A song that makes you want to break stuff.
22.  Your favorite song from a movie.
23.  Your favorite duet.
24.  Your favorite cover song.
25.  Your favorite song from 2010.
26.  Your favorite music video.
27.  One song in your mp3 folder you're pretty sure no one else has.
28.  One song that never needs to be played again.
29.  One song that gives you the creeps.
30.  A song you'd like played at your funeral.

Taekwondo Woes

Have you ever seen me give a speech?  Sing a solo?  Present a research project?  Perform my white belt form in front of a panel of black belts? 

Well if you haven't, I'm sure you've known someone of relevance behavior.  You know, that person who sits in the back of the class, dreading the moment when the teacher calls his/her name, dripping in sweat & breaking out into hives as they walk up the aisle to the front of the class, hovering around the only possible thing to somewhat shield them (the podium, if lucky), certain that death will shortly follow this lifelong (3 minute) presentation/performance/etc.

Yeah, that person?  That's me.

Tonight I went to taekwondo practice. I had to perform my white belt form for the first time in front of a panel of black belts.  For those who don't know anything about taekwondo, your rank is determined by your belt color.  White belt is the beginning, or, first belt.  Black belt is the last belt, with varying "degrees" of black belts.  I ALMOST DIED.  Aside from my tkd teacher and 5 other black belts judging my form, there were also the OTHER students of varying belt colors judging (& probably laughing inwardly) at my form.

TKD belt hierarchy

I could feel the tears beginning to flow before he even called my name.  I'm not going to go into detail about the performance, lest I have a heart attack, but just know that that was extremely hard for me to do.  I stayed in the parking lot for a good 20 minutes after class crying on the phone to my friend Melanie, who is also taking the class with me, and sobbing that I couldn't pursue tkd any further.

After I got off the phone with Melanie I texted our friend Jeff, who recommended our tkd instructor to us.  He gave me a good pep talk, which is what I needed.  "EVERY member of that 'panel' has stood in your place.  The 'key', the very purpose of tkd testings and tournaments, is to put your mind under extreme duress but to push through it physically. . . . you're a white belt, this is totally NORMAL. . . . trust me."

Thank goodness for good friends with good advice & good pep talks.

I have testing this upcoming Saturday for my second belt, the yellow belt.  This week is going to be hell going through judging by the black belts from class, but I'm hoping that by Saturday I will be a little more comfortable with standing in front of a panel of black belt judges (some of whom I've never seen before!) & that I will amaze them with how far I've come since tonight.  I'm determined to master this art.  I just may have to suffer through a few heart attacks to get there.... =)

Wish me luck!