Is that you, Hope?

I've been in a funk since last Friday.  Nervous about my move.  Sad about failed relationships.  I thought it was just my crazy, premenstrual hormones, but the feelings still linger, relentlessly taunting me to exhaustion.  I needed (still need) some alone time.

So this morning after I dropped my hellion off at daycare I spent some time with my dad.  He helped me check the tire pressure in my car and observed while I checked my oil and poured what was needed down the oil filter.  It was a pleasant five minutes with my dad at 8:30 A.M.  I think it makes him happy to know that someone still needs him for something, even if it is just using a tire gauge.

After my car inspection I drove to Birmingham/Montevallo/Alabaster with my new Garmin in tote, windows down & hair a complete mess, singing along with my ipod at the top of my lungs the entire way there.  Montevallo's campus is beautiful.  I drove through & around it for a good 25 minutes, staring at all the historic homes, trying to imagine if the neighborhood was much different when occupied with students riding bicycles and on foot, or at night when students are out being college students.  I imagined riding my bike to class every day, killing two birds with one stone--exercising and soul-easing.  Yes, Montevallo is much like Jacksonville.  It's practically nothing; the college basically is the town, but it is so peaceful that I don't think I would mind living there.  Knowing no one might make it easier for me to transition.

For the past two weeks I've been nervous and anxious about my move.  I want a house.  I can't afford a house.  I don't even know if I can afford a nice apartment!  Where am I going to work?  Will the money I've been saving be enough to keep me afloat until I have a job?  What if I don't like it?  I'm sure every one who has ever moved has had those same thoughts.  It's almost April.  That means in TWO months I'll be living on my own for the first time EVER.  Which is what I've always wanted, but now that it's almost here I can't stop the butterflies in my stomach.  All I know is that I will NOT get cold feet.

I intended to spend the majority of the day checking out the area for apartments and jobs, but I got called into work.  I was a bit disappointed on the drive home, but that feeling only lasted for a few miles before I realized that I am one step closer to making a better life for myself and Logan.

Hope, I think I can hear you knocking.