Daddy

I have to work at 5:30 A.M.  tomorrow.  I am tired, yet I do not want to sleep in my big, empty bed all by myself.  So here I am, writing a blog.
I mentioned a few blogs ago that I was fed up with being lazy.  So I have been making more of an effort to not be lazy.  Deleting my FB account has helped a lot in defeating the lazy in me at work.  Now if only I could stop texting at work.... Well, that's another challenge in itself.

Anyways, back to the lazy point I was making.

So do you remember that feeling when you were a kid that your dad was the strongest person in the world? Do you remember when you started to grow into adolescence and the realization that your dad isn't the strongest person in the world?  That loss of innocence, per say?  For some reason, that loss made me bitter towards my dad.  I don't know if it is because I was not prepared for the real world, or that I blamed him for not raising me the "right way," or for whatever reason.  But as my dad and I have both aged, I've noticed how much I've pulled away from him.  I can't remember the last time my dad said my name without me sighing and being instantly annoyed by the favor I knew he was about to ask of me.
Another thing I've noticed as my dad and I have both grown older is how frail and weak he's becoming.  He has diabetes, high blood pressure, and a bad heart.  This past Monday he went to the ER due to pain in his leg.  He was CRYING from the pain.  I've NEVER seen my dad cry, in the entire 23 years of my life, never have I seen him shed a tear.  He's the strongest 62 year old man in the world, right?  Anyways, the ER can't figure out what's wrong with his leg and they send him home with no pain relievers and tell him to keep his leg elevated.
 My dad is basically bed ridden since coming home from the ER on Monday (except he stays on the couch because it's the closest rest area to the front door of the house and his leg hurts too much to move any further). He only gets up to use the bathroom, and even that task is too painful for him.
Thursday my dad goes to his doctor to have some tests run.  Turns out he has a popped vein in his leg, which happens all the time and normally doesn't go noticed.  But because my dad is diabetic and taking Cumidin(sp?), the pain is very evident. 

(I tell really long stories.  Sorry.  The lazy point I'm trying to make is coming, promise.)

I said all of the above to say this:  Friday when I get home from work my dad asks me to go to Wal-mart to buy him a cold compress for his leg.  I say ok, but in my head I'm thinking of all the things I have to do already.  I'm instantly annoyed--like I mentioned above--because I've been asked to do one simple little thing.  Well whaddya know, I don't buy the cold compress until Saturday morning before I go into work.

I am a shitty, lazy daughter.  Would you think I'm the only one of my dad's kids who is a "daddy's girl" after the above story?

So the point of my story is:  Friday night I felt like a piece of huge, stinky dog poop for being such a lazy, selfish daughter.  I wanted to remedy that on Saturday morning, and I started to.  After I came back from Wal-mart I sat in the living room with my dad and ate a bowl of cereal and watched The Weather Channel with him.  Then I went to work.  I only sat with him for about 15 minutes, mind you, but I figure starting out small is better than not starting out at all.
 And today I've done everything he's asked of me without being annoyed.  I have to learn how to trump that selfish girl within.  I'm going to make more of an effort to find that unselfish, caring daughter, his only "daddy's girl," that I know is still in me.

The last picture taken with my dad- Thanksgiving 08

Also, I've been babysitting my nephew sometimes, doing a favor for my mom and sister since they both watched Logan so often for me (and still do) when he was younger.  Another thing I've been doing more of:  housework (dishes, laundry, trash, etc.)  And one more thing I've decided to do:  stop cussing.

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps!